Hi, welcome to my blog Nobody Told Me!
Thank you for taking a moment to cast your eyes over it… However, I feel it’s important to mention that if you are easily offended it’s probably best not to read on much further.
Still reading? OK fine but that was a fair warning and the only one I plan on giving cunt. See I tried to tell you but would you listen? No. Anyway on with the blog. I have been a creative person (a bit of a twat) my whole life but like most creatives, I had to put my days of pretending to be a tree behind me and get a job in an office. And that’s fine it’s not a bad job, I have fun and I work hard but just like so many other hard-working people I am tired of doing OK. The boring routine, monotonous conversations and uncontrollable jealousy of anyone in pretty much any situation other than mine. Just the other day I caught myself lamenting over how that the guy from the office with the environmentally hazardous personal hygiene problem has never had to deal with personal space invaders. My point is when you’re doing ‘fine’ there is always some Bellend doing better.
Now I know what your thinking “We all have our own problems mate” (or more likely “why was this guy pretending to be a tree.”) and your right we all do have our own problems I have just decided it’s time to make a change. I am going to rekindle my creative flair by writing foul-mouthed blog posts! What will those blog posts include? Whatever the hell I feel like and If people read it fantastic! If not this will just become a publicly viewable version of that email your court-ordered therapist made you write and then delete to help with your ‘anger issues’. You remember the one you had to write because after discovering Val had stolen the last of your Nescafe Azera at work understandably you got upset. And obviously, the only reasonable response was to carefully place a pipe bomb in your now empty Azera tin. So the next time the thieving smug-faced bitch fancies a smooth, rich, perfectly blended instant Americano they would find out the hard way they needed to fuck right off down the road to Costa!
anyway, I hope you enjoy the next few posts, I will.